ATTACK OF THE MUMS

So, it's thursday.
what does that mean?
that tomorrow is friday.
what does that mean?
MUMS.



Being a traditional texan high school, we don't do small. we do big. and that applies to our homecoming mums as well.

sometimes, i doubt there's even a flower in there, behind all that



crap.




they're completely gaudy, and (like everything else in the world) they become some sort of a twisted, tack-fest competition.
who has the biggest mum (extra points for THREE silk mums stapled to a huge cardboard heart) followed by who has the most miscellaneous garbage hanging off of it (streamers, ribbons, plastic football helmets, mini stuffed animals)

and if the mums aren't disgusting enough, you have the garters, mini (if you can say that) versions of hodge-podge. do big football players really feel tough wearing them? just wondering.


so on friday everyone dresses up all nice and gets to wear their mums all day at school.

walking down the hall you see all these girls with their left breast sagging to their stomach because they have their 20 lb mum pinned to it, and the streamers are dragging on the floor so you step on one with your big fat high heels, thus pulling down the mum that is connected to your shirt. either you take the spill or partially flash the school. and then the mini teddy bear holding the football falls off and your day is ruined.

so i thought, why put myself though all these tribulations when i don't even like silk flowers and streamers in the first place?

i want a real mum.
with nothing on it.
no cowbells, no plastic footballs, no streamers that say "HOMECOMING". and definately no teddy bears.

unfortunately, the sad state of the world and homecoming festivities has rid florists throughout the metroplex of their real mums.

"no one asks for them anymore, so we stopped carrying them"

sad, so so sad.

so we called the one place that still uses mums:
a funeral home.

and sure enough, we got our mum!

kind of creepy, thinking that mine was probably plucked from some arrangement for the deceased.

but hey, if those girls can get all the plastic they want, i sure want what i want too.

so fellow highschool girls! abandon the plastic! forget the faux! go REAL! and bring the trend back!



well, i tried.